Last week, I decided enough was enough – it was time to lose all the weight I had piled on over the past eighteen months. So I did what any girl embarking on an horrendous weight loss mission would do … I enlisted the help and support of my girlfriends (the only friends I’ve made here, mind you) and we decided to put ourselves on the unbelievably strict South Beach Diet.

You know the world really hates you when you decide to make healthier lifestyle options and you almost instantly come down with one hell of a bad case of Strep Throat.

Declaring not to be beaten by the damn infection that is Strep Throat, though, I kept to my diet while I lolled around on the couch in a sickly stupor. Needless to say, I lost no weight last week (the first week of my new eating plan) because I was unable to barely open my eyelids, let alone raise my heart rate to a fat burning level. I did, however, enjoy a Buffy marathon, watch stacks of X-Files, and acquaint myself with Arrested Development.

So I’m resetting and starting again. Strep Throat – you will not beat me and my plans for slender summer legs!

Although i’m not completely better (note the green gunk I coughed up this morning when I got out of bed) I feel its time to kick this infection in the butt and sweat it out once more. Boo to spring time sickness.

Stay tuned for progress reports, and no doubt, many grumbling, moaning updates about how hard the detox phase of the diet is…

Okay, how come no one told me Hayley Williams teamed up with BOB and Eminem? Check out this collaboration ‘Aiplanes’ – it’s spectacular. Can that girl do nothing wrong?

Airplanes

For those that don’t already know, on May 17 (that’s six days from now, people) Muse are releasing their new song Neutron Star Collision for the upcoming Twilight film, Eclipse.

As an enormous fan of Muse, I can’t wait. I am, however, slightly resentful of their attachment to the Twilight Saga films. There were lots of girls at the Muse concert in Seattle a few weeks ago who were there because they were Twilight fans – including the girls who were next to us.

I’m going to the Paramore concert tomorrow night in Seattle, and I expect much of the same thing: teeny Twilighters running around screaming out Edward Cullen’s name. I can’t wait, though. I’ve been waiting to see Paramore for years. The only question remains: do I elbow my way to the front of the pit and compete with the Twilight kiddies for a prime spot, or do I hang back and thrash around where there’s space and breathing room?

Muse played at Key Arena here in Seattle. They’ve just released a video of the show. Click the link below to watch.

Muse – Live in Seattle (April 2010)

Love the glasses, Matthew Bellamy!

Drifting from sleep to consciousness was always a little disorientating, so on this particular morning when I tried to roll over and found that I couldn’t, my sleepy self didn’t think too much about it. But as the seconds rolled on and I inched further away from sleep, I realized there was something terribly wrong. I tried moving my arms and legs again, tried hoisting myself into a sitting position, to no avail. Was there something wrong with my body? Why couldn’t I move?

Fully awake now, awareness filled every inch of me and I realized that I was not in my bed. The surface I was laying on was too narrow and too hard. I was not curled up in my comforter. In fact, I was not covered with a blanket at all. But that didn’t explain why I couldn’t move. I knew I wasn’t paralysed, because even though I could not lift my limbs, I could wiggle my fingers and toes.

And then I felt it – the pressure. It was so intense, so great that it was probably what woke me in the first place. My ankles and wrists were bound to whatever it was I was laying on. Was it a bed? Actually, it felt a whole lot like I was on a stretcher, or a gurney.  Was I in the hospital?

God, what had happened to me?

The last thing I remembered was sitting in the book stacks at the library, flicking through a text, and then … nothing. Did I have some kind of accident?

Desperate for answers, I opened my eyes but promptly shut them again as a bright light from above temporarily blinded me. Black dots swam on the back of my eyelids.

I’d seen movies that ended like this. College kids went out partying, got unconscionably wasted and then did things like this to each other. Someone always ended up naked, bound and gagged. Only, there were two problems with that scenario right now. Number one, I didn’t drink. I’d been at the library – studying, not partying. And number two, even if I’d wanted to go out partying, I didn’t have anyone to go with. I’d made exactly zero friends since starting classes at the University of Washington three weeks ago. This was more than a stupid college prank gone wrong. Deep down, I just knew it.

Dread filled every inch of me as a shudder ripped down my spin. An unprecedented, belly-aching thirst pulled at my tongue, pulled at the back of my throat.

I needed water and I needed it now.

I attempted a call for help, but my tongue literally got stuck to the top of my mouth, and my words came out all muffled. Someone must have heard me, though, because the next thing I felt was something – hands, maybe – on each of my shoulders. I cracked my lids open a little and allowed myself a small peak. Two big blue eyes were looking down at me with a curious, almost apologetic expression. As I pried my lashes further apart, I noticed that the enormous eyes belonged to a man, or a boy, I couldn’t quite tell from my vantage point. Messy blond hair framed his chiselled features and fell across his forehead. He removed one hand from my shoulder to push it away. I opened my mouth, fully intending to beg for water, but he shook his head from side to side ever so slightly.

“Don’t,” he whispered, almost inaudibly. “No matter what she asks you, pretend you’re still out.”

“Wah-ter,” I gagged. I didn’t recognize my own voice, raspy and broken as it was. He just nodded at me knowingly and placed one finger over his lips.

“Zack,” called a female voice. “Is she awake?”

“Close your eyes,” he whispered again, fierce this time. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep them closed. I’ll get you some water when she’s gone.” I blinked and he was gone.

Not being able to see him anymore brought on an odd sense of panic and I did what he said and slammed my eyes closed, feigning sleep. I had no idea who he was, or where I was, or even if he was trustworthy – I knew I had to be in some kind of trouble, people didn’t get bound like this for no reason – but my desperate need for water was pushing me towards mania, and he’d promised he’d get me some. Right now that was good enough for me.

Almost immediately, I felt another set of hands running up the side of my body. They were lighter, less forceful than the male’s had been and I knew instantly that they belonged to a female. They caressed the curves of my hip possessively, as if willing me to open my eyes. My broken and dehydrated body felt so crappy and her small, soft hands felt so good that I almost did. I caught myself just in time, remembering what the male had said.

She. I’ll get you some water when she’s gone.

Suddenly, nothing felt gentle about her touch at all. If I could have, I would have recoiled my body away from her hand.

“Can you hear me?” she asked, her voice honey sweet. “You don’t have to be afraid. We’ll take care of you.” She was certainly saying all the right things, but the pressure of her touch had become more forceful and contradicted her sweet tone.

I felt her hands cup my face and her fingers drew lines on my cheeks. My mom used to do this to me a lot when I was a kid. It helped me get to sleep. I’d always been a bad sleeper and mom said she felt guilty for having passed on the gene. I always felt safe when she was stroking my face, like nothing in the world could hurt me.

I did not feel that way now.

“You may not know it yet, but when you wake up you’ll see. You’re different. I’ve never seen anything like you before.”

What was she talking about?

She sighed deeply, removed her hands from my body and stepped away from the gurney, the light piercing through my eyelids once more.

“You can’t do this to her Justine, she’s not an animal,” said the male angrily. I kept my eyes closed.

“At the moment we don’t know what she is. Until her species is determined, she remains a threat to us all. If you unstrap her, you’ll be held personally responsible for any problems that may occur. This is a science centre Zack, not a kindergarten.”

Whoa. Species?

I heard a beep, then, and a click, and then silence.

“She’s gone,” said the male, stepping in front of the light. God, that thing was bright.

The sound of his voice caused an odd pang to jolt through my stomach and I instantly opened my eyes. Perhaps it was just the wretched look on his face, but it was like I could almost feel the anxiety wafting off of him. He wasn’t the one strapped to a bed like a mental patient. What did he have to feel anxious about?

It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust, but as soon as I saw the big glass of water that he was holding, my body adopted a mind of its own and began involuntarily thrashing against the restraints. Thirsty didn’t even come close to describing how I felt right now.

“Relax,” he said softly, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. He brought the glass up to my chin, popping a straw in between my expectant lips. I drank until the glass was bone dry. The harsh coldness of the water gushing down my sandpaper dry throat gave me goosebumps all over.

Panting, I let my head drop back onto the mattress.

“Let that settle for half an hour, then I’ll give you some more,” he said.

I closed my eyes blissfully and nodded. Was it possible to feel high from water? Is this even what being high felt like?

“Thank you,” I said, smiling a little and opening my eyes again.

The male was perched on the side of the gurney and I noticed just how impossibly huge he was. His racquet-sized hands were strategically placed on either side of my body, drawing his torso – long and lean – down toward my own. I suddenly felt very vulnerable, pinned down underneath him. I must have flinched because he straightened himself up and put a little distance between our bodies.

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Who are you?” I shot back, ignoring his statement. He flinched, narrowing his eyes at me like I’d hurt him.

Instead of answering, he got to his feet and walked to a section of the room outside of my peripheral vision. The restraints around my limbs prevented me from stretching in a way that allowed me to see what he was doing. Panic gripped at my insides again as I realized with sudden clarity that I was probably about to die. I didn’t know why I hadn’t hit panic mode a little sooner. I was tied up, for Christ’s sake. It seemed obvious when I connected all the dots. I had no idea who this person was, I was powerlessly strapped down, and the light above me was so bright that I couldn’t even keep my eyes open. Killing me seemed like the only plausible explanation.

My heart thundered violently as I struggled against the restraints. My survival instincts kicked into overdrive and I began belting out shrill, piercing cries. If there was anyone in this place with a conscience, they’d come to my aid. They had to; there was no ignoring a terrified sound like that.

“Hey, stop that! God, would you be quiet?” He sounded totally ticked off but I wasn’t having any of it. There was no way I was going down without even an attempt at a fight, and in my bound position my voice was the only weapon I had. I stepped it up a notch and really threw myself into it. An enormous hand clamped down hard over my mouth, but I had half expected this. I wasted no time in wrapping my jaw around his fingers and sinking my teeth in as far as I could. The male cried out – in agony, I hoped – and quickly pulled his hand away from my mouth. God damn it, I didn’t even think I broke the skin.

I kept screaming, burning my throat raw, but I had no other choice. If I kept hollering someone was bound to hear me. Someone had to. Before I even realized what was happening, a material substance was stuffed tightly into my open mouth, muffling any sound I tried to produce.

“What is wrong with you?” he exclaimed. I just glared at him. “I told you, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m probably the one person you can trust right now, probably the only one.” He sighed dramatically and examined his hands before returning his eyes to me. “They can’t hear you anyway. The room is completely sound proofed. All the rooms in the Institute are.”

Sound proofed. Fabulous. My one and only weapon, gone.

“If you promise not to scream at me again, I’ll take out the rag. Okay?”

Considering he’d just stuffed the thing in my mouth, this was a pretty ballsy move. How did he know that I wasn’t going to just start screaming again? Maybe he did, and just didn’t care. Maybe he knew I’d figured it out that if no one was going to hear me, screaming myself stupid was pointless. So I just nodded. He took the rag out and dropped his body down on the bed next to me, clearly exasperated.

I opened my mouth to scream again, but he got in before I could.  “I was only turning the light down. There was no reason for it to be on like that and I could tell it was making you uncomfortable.” In all the panic, I hadn’t even noticed that the brightness was gone. For a crazy science guy who was probably going to kill me, this was an awfully nice gesture. “I’m going to untie you, okay? Then we can talk in a civilized manner.”

Again, I just nodded, really feeling defeated now, and watched him while he reached for the restraints. If he was going to kill me, this seemed like an odd move, but I wasn’t about to complain or question his motives. The moment I was free, though, I scurried off the gurney and threw myself into the corner as far away from him as I could. I curled into a foetal position and squeezed my eyes shut tightly.

In the split second it took me to get from the gurney to the corner, some part of me had decided that I didn’t want to see him coming at me when he decided it was time for me to die. I heard a shameless whimpering noise, which I knew had to be coming from me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care enough to stop.

I felt one of his giant hands come down on my shaking shoulder, steadying me, and then it happened again – that feeling. It was like a strange kind of anxiety all mixed up with an odd tenderness and I knew, I just freaking knew that it was coming from him. I uncurled myself out of the foetal position, the fear I felt for my own safety temporarily forgotten, and looked up into his deep, blue eyes.

It was definitely coming from him.

I could see it in his eyes, the panic, the concern. It was all mixed up together. He was looking at me like he knew me, like we were supposed to be friends or something.

“I know you’re scared right now, I would be too if I were in your position, but you don’t have to be afraid of me. I meant it when I said I wasn’t going to hurt you.”

It was probably the stupidest thing I’d ever done, but I believed him. More than that, I trusted him. Just like that. Instantly. I could feel his goodness, his earnest, in the depths of my gut. This guy was telling the truth; he really didn’t want to hurt me.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Just like before, I could feel the relief washing off of him. He was like an open book.

He raised his eyebrows, like he was waiting for me to flip out again. I just nodded at him slowly.

He sighed. “You’re not safe here. If you want to get out of here, you’re going to have to start trusting me. I can help you, but you have to let me.”

“Maybe if you answered some of my questions, that might help,” I suggested in a small voice.

“That sounds fair, I’m sure you have plenty.” That was the understatement of the millennium. I had so many that my brain already felt scrambled, and we’d only just begun.

“Do you know what happened to me? I was in the library studying and I must have fallen asleep or something, because I don’t remember anything after that.” I kept my voice as steady as I could.

“You didn’t pass out in the library. I don’t know how you got from the library to the campus quad, but somehow you did. The Institute’s Recon Team intercepted a group of Wildcats attacking you. One girl in particular seemed especially interested in you, like she knew you. You were bitten, which was why the Recon Team brought you here rather than to a regular hospital.”

I heard the words rolling from his tongue, but I could have sworn he was speaking a different language. I had no clue what he was saying. Instead of answering my questions, he’d only created more.

“I don’t understand, what is the Institute? And why do they have a recon team? I was bitten by some kind of female cat? Does that mean I’m going to get rabies? Oh god, I am, aren’t I? That’s why I’m here, all tied down. I’ve got rabies!” The panic rose in my throat quickly. I didn’t mean to ramble, but once I started, I just couldn’t stop.

He remained calm. “You don’t have rabies and you weren’t bitten by a cat. Not a real one, anyway. I’m not even sure cat’s get rabies… anyway, I suppose that’s beside the point right now.”

I took a breath and allowed myself a moment to process this new information. No rabies. That was good. No cat, either. I wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, but I took his dismissal as a good sign. I cast my eyes around the room, trying to collect my thoughts, and noticed for the first time that I appeared to be in some kind of medical lab. I remembered the woman saying something about this being a science lab; it certainly had that sterile feel to it. The wall exactly opposite me was covered from ceiling to floor with a dark green curtain. It was the only splash of color in the room. Other than the gurney I had been strapped to, the only other objects in the room were a small stainless steel cart on wheels, which held a jug of water and a now empty glass, and a pretty high tech looking piece of medical machinery next to the gurney. As far as I could tell, it appeared to be switched off. The walls, apart from the curtain, were completely bare; the white paint so bright it almost looked radioactive. The cold starkness of it all bothered me. I shivered involuntarily and wrapped my arms around myself.

“What is this place?” I whispered.

“That’s kind of a complicated question. This place, this building, is part of the Institute – ”

“Again with that word,” I exclaimed, not whispering this time. “Just tell me what it means already!”

He levelled his eyes at me and paused momentarily. His nose twitched like I’d ticked him off and he was trying really hard, albeit unsuccessfully, to hold his frustrations in.

He pointedly cleared his throat. “As I was saying, this building is part of the Institute, which is essentially a government research centre. The workers here treat the … sick, and, undertake all kinds of research about, err, anatomy.”

Yeah right. That was about as convincing as my dad – a tall, lanky guy with black hair – dressed up as Santa.  They treat the, err, sick and research about, err, anatomy? I wasn’t buying that for a second.

“I thought we were supposed to be working on some kind of trust arrangement here,” I said, lifting an eyebrow.

He exhaled deeply and raked the back of his hand across his forehead. “Fine. I’ll tell you the truth. But I’m warning you, it’s not pretty, and there’s a huge chance you won’t believe me anyway.”

“And why is that?”

“Statistically speaking, reactions are never good.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It just means that, in the past, people in your position haven’t reacted that well to the news I’m about to deliver.”

His tiptoe act was growing old fast. “Look, dude, how am I supposed to trust you if you wont even tell me the truth?” I threw my hands up in the air.

I rose to my feet and stalked over to the stainless steel cart and poured myself another glass of water. I gulped down the whole thing and poured myself another, draining the pitcher dry. I took the glass back over to where the male was sitting and plonked myself down on the hard linoleum floor.

“I guess I should start from the beginning. It’s what I’d normally do with someone in transition, though, I’m not entirely sure that you are…”

“Transition? What are you talking about?”

He shook his head. “I’ll get to that. First, there are other things you need to know.”

No kidding, I thought. Either this guy was a bit of a fruit loop, or he was dancing around something huge. I wasn’t sure which option I preferred.

“The girl who bit you, the Wildcat, she’s not human.”

I snorted obnoxiously. Okay, definitely fruit loop. “Oh right. Then what was she? A robot? A clone? Oh I know, maybe she was just a figment of my imagination. Jesus dude, you’re really not winning yourself any points here.” I started hoisting myself up off the floor. I’d had about enough of this conversation. It was time to try and find a way out of here myself.

“I’m not joking,” he said darkly. The sudden aggressive change in his tone stopped me short. It pushed all inklings to laugh at him again to the very bottom of my stomach. He had a look of absolute resolve on his face; he certainly seemed to believe what he was saying. Was it even possible there was any truth in his words?

As my eyes locked with his, my heart skipped a terrified beat.

Not human?

Then what the freaking hell was she? I didn’t need to verbalise my question, it was written all over my face. He was nodding knowingly, so I knew he understood me.

“She’s a hemasapian, which when you break it down, essentially means blood being.”

“Huh?”

“I said she’s a blo – ”

“I heard you. I just …”

A dash of amusement touched his eyes. “I believe the common term in your world is vampire.”

“Right,” I scoffed.

He pulled his mouth into a firm line, all amusement gone from his face now. “I did say you probably wouldn’t believe me.”

“It doesn’t take a genius to pre-empt that one. God. Vampires? That’s pretty lame, you know.” I suppressed another patronizing snort. I may have believed him three seconds ago, but this was just stupid.

“Look, I know it sounds ridiculous, but its not. The only reason your human brain can’t fathom it is because your crazy society has unrealistically immortalized the vampire world in fiction.”

His qualification did not go unnoticed. “My human world?”

“What?”

“You said, ‘my human world’.”

“Yes, your human world. A world which I am definitely not a part of.”

Okay, now he had my undivided attention.

According to Perez Hilton, Lady Gaga originally wrote the song Telephone for Britney Spears. At the time, Brit passed over the song and Gaga recorded it herself with Beyonce.

This weekend, the Britney version was leaked via the Internet. Check it here:

Telephone – Britney Spears

I gotta say, I think I kind of love Britney Spears!

Published in Women’s Health & Fitness Magazine (Australia), 2008.

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Published in Women’s Health & Fitness Magazine (Australia), 2006.

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Published in Ministry Magazine, 2003.

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